Inspirational Feedback

The other day, I witnessed the delivery of inspirational feedback. I was inspired by what happened and the feedback wasn’t even directed at me. I didn’t initiate it – I was a bystander watching it unfold and got caught up in the glorious sight of this unicorn walking into the room. More on that story in a moment. For now, let’s talk about why inspiring feedback is a unicorn.

Great feedback is an incredibly scarce resource. Most people say they really want it, and most people don’t get it very often. In fact, many people may never get great feedback. Why?

The first problem is that it’s hard to do it at all, let alone do it well. Telling someone that they are not living up to expectations is terrifying. I don’t have a lot of very close friends and the ones that I truly value are the ones that have the courage to tell me how I can improve. I expect I’m not alone.

So, there’s a supply problem right off the bat. I need to find someone that feels comfortable enough with our relationship to tell me honestly where I can improve. They have to be courageous. The relationship must be based in mutual respect so we can overcome the fear that we will destroy the relationship by doing something we think is beneficial.

The feedback industry just can’t produce enough product to meet demand – even poor quality feedback is in limited supply.

Another issue that the feedback industry has is timely delivery. Organizations are moving away from the traditional appraisal because an annual delivery of feedback is not what the customer wants. Unfortunately, much of the feedback industry is stuck in past systems designed to deliver it just once a year. Modernizing feedback factories takes a long time.

It turns out that timely delivery isn’t as easy as it looks. Even the factories that have been modernized to produce feedback on a more frequent basis have difficulty ensuring that it arrives at the customer’s door on time. We may have weekly or monthly check-ins baked into our organizational pie, but we can’t possibly sit in on each one to make sure feedback is happening.

One of the issues is that the ‘last mile’ of the supply chain often doesn’t work very well. Managers will find any number of excuses NOT to deliver feedback. ALL of us make excuses. We ran out of time. I forgot. I didn’t have enough specific information. He or she was not in the right frame of mind to accept delivery. Or the unacknowledged reason: I am afraid. I don’t wanna and you can’t make me.

Oh, by the way, managers aren’t the only ones responsible for the last mile; friends, colleagues, children, parents, teachers, students…we all find ways of avoiding the timely delivery of that package. People in a position of authority need feedback too. That feedback is more valuable coming from those they are responsible for than from their own management. As a manager, what are my chances of getting any feedback at all from my team? It feels like expecting Henry Ford’s factory to deliver me a car in any color BUT black.

The optimal delivery of feedback is complicated not only by the fact that it needs to be timely. As alluded to above, the customer must be prepared to receive it. As a manager, colleagues that took feedback well were held in high regard. This means that they showed appreciation, thoughtfully considered the feedback and avoided being defensive.

Accepting feedback is almost as difficult as delivering it. I was coaching someone who was struggling with how to handle feedback. I counseled that it was important to take the feedback with gratitude and grace and consider it for what it is without taking it as God’s word that is now carved onto your entrance visa to heaven. I explained my own odd technique; thinking of feedback as a mud pie hitting a pane of glass in front of me. It lands on the glass, it doesn’t stick to me, allowing me to consider it thoughtfully.

As a coach, we love it when people act upon the feedback. Good feedback that is accepted well but not acted upon feels like an Amazon package left on the doorstep to wilt with the weather. It’s the Christmas toy that never gets played with. Of course, that’s also a sign for the giver to reflect on the quality of the feedback. [Let’s move on before we get trapped in a feedback hall of mirrors.]

The feedback industry also has a terrible quality problem. If there was an NPS for the industry, I think it would be below cable television and car dealerships.

People are rarely trained to produce high quality feedback. Even with great training, we can’t become great without a lot of practice. It’s difficult to practice under game conditions because our customer is unpredictable. We don’t have a lot of mentors or good examples to follow.

Rather than going into what quality feedback means, let’s go back to my opening story so I can tell you more about this beautiful unicorn I saw.

I was brought into a project that had been going on for two years. The lead consultants and the founder of the consulting firm had put in a tremendous effort on this project and it was a great success. Our last task was to organize a virtual meeting to gather final thoughts from the participants in breakout groups. The founder engaged a young intern to help with the technical aspects of the breakout rooms.

During the meeting, we encountered a few technical issues that made our time in the breakout rooms a little clunky. The issue didn’t prevent us from doing our jobs, but it was noticeable to our team.

The next day, the founder organized an after-action report to review what went well, what didn’t and what lessons we learned that could help us in the future. He wisely kicked the meeting off by handing it over to the project’s captain who had organized the meeting. The captain adeptly captured what occurred including the technical issues we encountered.

This was when the unicorn wandered into the room.

The founder didn’t do what I expected. He didn’t pass the baton to the other senior consultant. Instead, he paused and respectfully asked our intern to go next. What did he think about the meeting? He did NOT say: “What do you have to say about the technical issues?” He invited him to offer his thoughts on the entire meeting.

Good feedback is not threatening. Great feedback is having the skill to ask the person to deliver the feedback to himself.

There aren’t many factories in the feedback industry that make products with that particular feature.

The intern paused a moment, then clearly acknowledged his responsibility for the technical issue. He explained, without defensiveness, how he had tested the process before the meeting and felt that it would work. He acknowledged his surprise at not being able to quickly find another fix. He discussed how he had researched the issues after the meeting and found a fix for the problem that we could try the next time we did breakouts.

At this point, the unicorn opened its wings and flew about the room spraying gumdrops.

The founder expressed his appreciation for the intern taking responsibility and for his resilience in the face of the issues happening in real time. He thanked the intern for taking the initiative to research the problem further and find an answer, even though the intern as going back to school and could easily have skipped that step. Finally, he said that the intern had demonstrated the qualities of great leadership, and that he was confident that the intern would become a great leader.

At this point, I think the intern sprouted wings too.

It wasn’t over though. The most senior consultant spoke up. He admitted that he had prepared a contingency plan in case there were technical issues and didn’t have the problems that the rest of us had. He apologized that he didn’t share that plan with the rest of us to ensure success for all.

I jumped in to express my appreciation for the way that the intern accepted responsibility. As a recovering perfectionist, I think I would have spent a few sentences beating myself up for failing the team. The intern took responsibility appropriately; he acknowledged his failure but avoided the tar pit that is perfectionism. Great leaders have healthy self-esteem.

Recapping the review of this feedback: It was timely. It

was delivered with respect and gave the recipient the opportunity to acknowledge responsibility and learning. It was built up and supported by the rest of the team. It focused on learning and the infinite potential of the future.

I give that product a 10 out of 10. Now we just need to build more factories to meet demand.